I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
