I'm going to jail i love you
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
