We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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