dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
