i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
