a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
