see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
