Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
