I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
