new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
