I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
