I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
