he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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