I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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