We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
