party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there's paper in my vomit.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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