You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
