I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
