I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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