My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
