I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
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She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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