there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
