I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
