Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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