well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
