I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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