it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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