Someone shit on the floor
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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