You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
