I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
