glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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