At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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