I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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