would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
