I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
