i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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