So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
