If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
