I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize