No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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