how can u be prego again
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
