mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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