Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
