you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
