Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
