yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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