I want to have your abortion
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Boobs are out for the taking
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
