i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
