Is it because I queefed?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
