She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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