He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
