how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
