He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
