Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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