im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hippo gnu deer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
