You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
