I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
