Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i will never coherently bang her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
