Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My cat gives me a boner
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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