I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
