:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
