This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
