Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
