I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
