Apparently you make a good broom.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
