he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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