This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were trust falling into bushes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
