My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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