I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
