i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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