I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
