You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
