my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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