Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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