all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
