I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
