did you get engaged???
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
