Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
