"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
