please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
