I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
