Got a toothbrush?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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