Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
